Ever found yourself caught in the “Should Thinking” trap? Wondering what the “Should Thinking” trap is and if it’s holding you back? Let’s break it down and explore how this thinking trap can affect real-life situations.
The Should Thinking Trap
A thinking trap is a pattern of thought where you get stuck in unhealthy ways of thinking. Thought traps often lead to biased perceptions (close mindedness; making judgements without facts) and make life harder. Everyone thinks with thinking traps once in a while but they are common in people with depression and anxiety.
“Should Thinking” is a thinking trap where you believe you have to do things the way society expects, even if it goes against what you really want or what’s good for you. It’s when you feel pressured to act or live a certain way just because you think you should. For example, you might feel you should always be productive, even if your body and mind need time to relax, just because society tries to tie our value to how productive we are.
Here are some examples to help you identify the should thinking trap in your mindset:
The Should Thinking Struggle
Imagine Jill, a student feeling the pressure to pick a career. She’s trapped in “Should Thinking.” She feels like she should choose a job that others approve of, not what she’s passionate about. This kind of thinking can be limiting, preventing her from pursuing her true interests.
Social Media and the Should Thinking Comparison
Meet Jake. He falls into the “Should Thinking” trap when he sees others posting about their achievements on social media. He thinks he should do better than he already is and that he should work harder. This constant comparison creates stress and hinders his ability to appreciate his achievements and his own journey.
Relationship Expectations and Should Thinking
Sarah and Alex are in a serious relationship. Sarah thinks they should follow certain relationship norms she sees in movies. Alex feels pressured to meet these unrealistic expectations. This “Should Thinking” will eventually strain their relationship, as they may overlook what truly makes them happy.
School and Future Should Thinking
Think about Chris, a high schooler. He’s overwhelmed by the “Should Thinking” about getting into a top-tier college. The stress of meeting certain expectations can overshadow the joy of learning and personal growth. Instead of focusing on making connections and growing, he is stressed and sad while tirelessly working to get into an ivy league college.
Should Thinking at Work
Emily works in an office where she feels she should always be available, even after work hours. This “Should Thinking” affects her work-life balance, leading to burnout and affecting her overall well-being. Her family misses her. When she is in the room it is like she isn’t even there.
Breaking Free from the Should Thinking Trap:
Now, let’s explore how to escape this thinking trap:
- Self-Reflection: Prioritize understanding your values and what you want out of life. Instead of focusing on what you “should do”, focus on what will make you happy.
- Setting Realistic Goals: Rather than chasing after what you think you should achieve, set goals that align with your interests and capabilities. This approach promotes a sense of accomplishment and personal satisfaction.
- Mindful Social Media Use: Be aware of the impact of social media. Remember that people often share highlights, not the full picture. Instead of falling into the “Should Thinking” trap, appreciate your own journey and progress.
- Open Communication in Relationships: Discuss expectations openly in relationships. Recognize that each person is unique, and it’s essential to build a connection based on shared values and mutual understanding, rather than conforming to external expectations and unrealistic movies.
- Balancing Work and Personal Life: Establish boundaries between work and personal life. Understand that taking breaks and setting limits on work hours contribute to better overall productivity and well-being.
Conclusion
The “Should Thinking” trap can sneak into various aspects of our lives, affecting choices, relationships, and well-being. It can lead to regret and you finding yourself living a life you do not want. Do you really want the ivy league degree or the fancy accomplishments? Will you truly be happy with the partner people expected you to have, or the one who warms your soul?
By prioritizing our wants, building self-awareness, setting realistic goals, and maintaining open communication, we can break free from the “Should Thinking” trap and lead more fulfilling lives.
Take this quiz to see if ‘should’ thinking is a part of your thoughts.