The word “overthink” is trending, and it has become common for people to judge their own and others’ thoughts on an over/under scale. They tell themselves and others that they are “overthinking it.”
When we ask, “What is overthinking?” we’re typically told that we’re thinking too much and that we need to focus on stopping our thoughts. However, this approach doesn’t work, which is why the term “overthinking” keeps gaining popularity.
But just because it is common for people to judge their thoughts as “too much,” doesn’t mean that people are thinking more than ever; rather, it suggests a lack of mental health education and an inability to manage thoughts effectively.
I know, I used to be an “overthinker,” and now I’m not. Meditation, yoga, journaling—the stuff they tell us to try—helped a little, but the only thing that made a lasting impact was learning to manage my thoughts.
To actually stop overthinking, what you need to do is learn how to manage your thoughts. Let’s start with a concept called ironic process theory.
Ironic Process Theory
I know, I know, it might sound intimidating or dull, but it’s actually quite simple and worth paying attention to.
Ironic process theory simply means that your mind doesn’t recognize “don’ts.” So if I say “don’t think of something blue,” you’ll inevitably think of something blue. This theory tells us that we need to focus on what we want instead of what we don’t want.
It might sound like common sense, but think about it: when do you focus on what you want instead of what you don’t want? We’re all guilty of it, and do things like:
- think about how we don’t want to eat junk food instead of focusing on eating healthy
- dwell on failure instead of envisioning success
- worry about being hurt by others instead of focusing on building positive relationships
Because, while it may sound simple, focusing on what we want can feel vulnerable. When you want something, there’s always a chance you won’t get it, which can lead to feelings of rejection and sadness. But, even though it may not seem like it, there’s more sadness in the comfort of focusing on what you don’t want.
How to Stop Overthinking
Instead of asking “how to stop overthinking,” which focuses on what you don’t want, rephrase the question and ask yourself how you can think better and manage your thoughts more effectively.
There are many ways to start. For now, I suggest reflecting and listing all the times you focus on what you don’t want instead of what you do.
For instance:
You might not want to go to the gym, but you do want to experience that post-workout feeling of accomplishment.
You might not want to go to work, but you do want to find a better-suited job that pays more.
Or maybe you crave a loving and faithful relationship, but past betrayal makes you dwell on not wanting to be hurt. Instead, focus on what you can do to foster a loving relationship, such as working through your feelings and taking things slow.
When people tell us to stop overthinking, they are essentially telling us to focus on the quantity of our thoughts. However, the number of thoughts you have is irrelevant. What truly matters is what you think about and the quality of your thoughts. So focus on what you want, instead of what you don’t, and concentrate on what you can do to achieve your desires. With practice, the tendency to “overthink” will gradually diminish.
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