Rumination, or thinking about the past on repeat, is a common issue.
To stop ruminating, or thinking about the past on repeat, you will be encouraged to meditate or distract yourself from your thoughts, and while that may help for a bit, it is not a long-term solution, and you will just go back to ruminating.
Stuck in this exhausting cycle, most people might want to give up. But there is hope, because when you focus on the root of the issue, you will not only stop rumination, you’ll turn this annoying habit into something positive and transform your life.
Because while some people may think being stuck in rumination means they are “broken,” rumination is just a sign of a lack of mental health education. And rumination is the result of living in a society that idolizes the past while not teaching how to live in the now.
Here you will learn how to stop ruminating for good by someone who has successfully stopped the annoying habit.
First, let’s talk about where rumination comes from.
What is rumination, and where does it come from?
Rumination is when you get stuck in the past. It looks like feeling guilty or ashamed for something you did. Maybe cringing when you think of something embarrassing you said. And you might be asking yourself, “why did I do that?” or thinking, “I’ll never get over this.”
When we break it down, rumination is simply just a thought habit. You aren’t born with this habit, and you learn to ruminate from influences in your environment—your parents, mentors, media, etc.
In fact, rumination is actually strongly encouraged. Not directly, but in messages like:
- “Remember the good old days.”
- “Life was so much better back then.”
- “If only I could go back and change things.”
And messages of perfection and scarcity that are common in the news and media reinforce the rumination habit.
Related article: What is overthinking?
How to stop ruminating
You’ve already started the process by acknowledging rumination is a habit and something you can stop for good.
Now you want to replace the unhealthy habit with a healthier one: reflection.
Reflection is when you intentionally look back at the past to gain insights and improve. With reflection, you stay in the present and acknowledge that the past is behind you, but you can sift through it to gather valuable insights. It’s like you’re ransacking the past for the data you need and then moving forward, leaving it (the past) behind.
Instead of asking “ugh, why did I do that” in a judgmental way, you would ask the same question but with curiosity, “hmm, why did I do that?” Were you anxious, unsure of how to respond, or did you not know any better?
Don’t worry if you don’t know or can’t figure it out. If you are unsure, you can chalk it up to building your self-awareness, a skill that takes time to develop. You may also think one thing and then realize it was actually another. This may sound daunting, but approach it as a fun way of finding out things about yourself.
Some other questions you can ask yourself as you reflect:
- How would the situation have ideally turned out?
- What can I do better to get better results in the future?
- Considering the world is more forgiving than society makes it seem, is it really as bad as I think?
- Is there anything I can do to make the situation better? Do I need to apologize?
Related article: How to stop overthinking
Example of reflection to stop ruminating
Say you do something really embarrassing, like you fart in a classroom and everyone hears it. Rumination would look like lying in bed thinking that you can never go back to that class and that everyone is laughing at you. You’d keep replaying the situation in your mind and wonder why you farted and didn’t just hold it in.
Firstly, better out than in.
Secondly, reflection would look like acknowledging the situation is not ideal, that you cannot change the past, and that it sucks. Obviously, you are thinking about it; it is embarrassing. So what can you do to make it better? Well, you can’t rewind time, but you can tell the teacher you did not mean to intentionally call attention to yourself. Then you can focus on the fact that people are so caught up in their own lives that a lot probably thought it was funny and forgot, while others will likely judge you, but you can’t control that. And you can use it as an opportunity to focus on whether you are overly concerned with external validation.
After you reflect, you might still have some lingering feelings around the situation. Here you can use techniques like meditation and journaling as supportive methods to help you process and accept the situation.
Acceptance here would involve acknowledging that you cannot undo the past, what happened happened, it is what it is, and you will do better in the future.
After reflection
While this process is straightforward, it is a skill, and learning how to stop ruminating is like building muscle; you need to work over time. But the more you reflect, the easier it will become, and if you get off track, you will be able to bounce back.