The concept of “deeply feeling kids” (DFKs) has gained attention as a way to explain children who experience intense emotional reactions. A popular idea in this framework suggests that these children operate at a baseline of heightened emotion – that “what appears to be them going from 0 to 60 is really them going from 50 to 60.”
While this explanation may sound intuitive, it introduces unnecessary separation and misunderstanding, highlighting a lack of deep understanding and healthy perspectives in psychology.
Why This Framework is Flawed
Positioning sensitive children as perpetually halfway to emotional overload assumes they are inherently different from others in a way that alienates rather than explains. It creates the illusion that they live in a constant state of near-explosion, reinforcing the belief that their intense responses are inevitable. This can lead to several negative consequences:
- Labeling and Separation: Children may internalize the belief that they are emotionally unstable or “other.”
- Misguided Interventions: Caregivers might focus on managing the child as a problem rather than addressing emotional regulation.
- Overcompensation: Adults might tiptoe around sensitive children, unintentionally reinforcing the idea that they are fragile.
A Different Understanding of Sensitivity
Rather than viewing these children as starting at 50, consider this: sensitive individuals simply process more sensory and emotional data as their norm. Their baseline is still 0 – it just looks different from someone who takes in less information. Emotional outbursts aren’t a result of living perpetually on edge but are often the culmination of unprocessed emotions that accumulate over time.
The difference lies in the pace of emotional build-up. A sensitive child might go from 0 to 50 in a day, while another child may take months to reach that point. This distinction shifts the focus from labeling sensitive children as inherently reactive to recognizing gaps in emotional management.
Emotional Overload Happens to Everyone
Emotional explosions aren’t unique to sensitive people – they happen to anyone who neglects their emotional needs. Sensitive children aren’t reacting to trivial triggers; they’re reacting to unresolved emotions. The small event that triggers a large response is simply the breaking point.
When we normalize this, the focus shifts from managing a “type” of child to universally fostering emotional intelligence. Sensitivity stops being an isolating characteristic and instead becomes a trait that requires the same emotional tools as anyone else – just perhaps a bit sooner or more frequently.
Practical Steps for Emotional Management
Rather than separate strategies for sensitive children, universal tools can help everyone:
- Emotional Validation: Acknowledge feelings without judgment.
- Boundary Setting: Teach children to advocate for their needs early.
- Reflection: Encourage children to trace back intense reactions to multiple contributing events.
A Personal Reflection: How This Perspective Saved My Life
Deeply feeling kids turn into deeply feeling adults. As a deeply feeling person, I was not supported as a kid and struggled with my emotions in adulthood. For years, I struggled with what I was told was PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder). Around my period, I became emotionally overwhelmed – my partner said I seemed like a different person, and my friends noticed my distress. A doctor even recommended medication.
When I began practicing emotional regulation – validating my feelings, standing up for myself, and setting boundaries – the intensity of my “PMDD” lessened. I now believe my emotional surges weren’t hormonal anomalies but eruptions of built-up feelings coinciding with slight hormonal shifts. Addressing my emotions regularly made my symptoms fade, ultimately changing my life.
I no longer have “PMDD” and medication is no longer recommended.
Learn more about how I self-cured PMDD here.
The Long-Term Impact
Sensitive kids who learn emotional regulation grow into resilient adults. By fostering emotional intelligence early, we not only reduce emotional overload but also empower children to navigate life with greater ease. The goal isn’t to manage sensitive kids differently – it’s to equip everyone with the tools to handle their emotions effectively.
This perspective doesn’t diminish sensitivity but reframes it as a shared human experience, demystifying emotional intensity and promoting holistic well-being for all.