Breakups are tough. Ruminating and never ending thoughts make them worse. Here we discuss nine practical tips to stop overthinking after a breakup.

Focus on what you want

Breakups are a great time to reflect and evaluate. Focus on what you liked about your ex and how you would like that in a future partner. And focus on what you did not like and how you do not want that in a future relationship.

Check the rose-colored glasses

Looking back we may see things as being better than they were. Make sure you aren’t idolizing the person or the past. No one is perfect. If you are having trouble seeing what you did not like about your ex, then your rose-colored glasses are definitely on.

Make actionable apologies

Sometimes we say things in the heat of the moment that we later regret. This can lead to overthinking and worry that we hurt someone unnecessarily. Make an actionable apology by apologizing for saying something mean and then work on not saying mean things to people when you are upset.

Cut off contact and delete the messages

Rereading texts is going to train your brain to spiral and overthink. Take a screenshot of the text conversations and save them in your phone if you really need to, but limit the time you look at them. Ideally you would delete the text threads and cut off contact so you have time to process.

Avoid the urge to make them a monster

Calling someone derogatory names may help you feel better momentarily, but it will hurt you in the long run. Name calling prevents you from processing your feelings and strengthen negative emotions. Instead of calling them derogatory things acknowledge they were not perfect and sometimes did dumb things.

Watch out for negative narratives

Sometimes we will tell ourselves storylines that are simply not true. Or we will imagine our ex is out living it up or already hooking up with someone else. While it may be true, it may also not be true. What they do doesn’t matter. Focus on yourself and stop the hurtful and negative narratives.

Practice abundance

Overthinking after a breakup can be caused by a lack of abundance. Sure, maybe it took some time to find someone you connected with and you are bummed. But you need to focus on the fact that you did find someone you connected with and you can again.

Allow yourself to be sad

Endings are sad. Allow yourself to be sad and process your feelings. The more you try to reject or drink your emotions away the harder it is going to be and the longer you are going to overthink. And let’s stop the “get over someone by getting under someone else.”

Focus on hobbies and health

Sometimes you need to get out of your mind and into the world. Focus on picking up some hobbies, cleaning your living space and healthy eating. Take yourself out on dates and do the things you wanted to do but couldn’t with your ex.