The Thought Method

Last Updated on December 5, 2023 by the thought method co.

All-or-nothing thinking, also known as extreme, polarized, or black-and-white thinking, is a cognitive distortion that affects the way you perceive and interpret the world. In this article, you’ll learn what all-or-nothing thinking is and see some real-world examples to help you grasp its impact on your life.

Cognitive distortions

First, let’s talk about cognitive distortions. It might sound complicated, but it’s not that hard to understand once you break it down. Think of “cognitive” as just another way of saying “think” or “thoughts,” and “distortions” as a fancy word for “twist” or “trap.” So, cognitive distortions are like tricky thought habits that can make you feel stuck or trapped. People also call them “thought traps.”

What is all-or-nothing thinking?

When you have thought traps in your mind, it’s more likely that you ignore evidence and the actual situation. Thought traps can make you see events, situations, or yourself in a way that’s not quite right. There are several types of thought traps, one of them being all-or-nothing thinking. This trap makes you focus on and think in extremes or either/or.

For example, if you don’t do well on a test, even if you’ve done well before, with all-or-nothing thinking, you might say, “I failed this test, I’m a horrible student.” Someone without all-or-nothing thinking would say, “I’m disappointed I failed this test. I’ve done well in tests before. What went wrong this time?”

The difference is that the person with all-or-nothing thinking gets stuck in negative thoughts while the person with more balanced thinking will acknowledge their disappointment while also prioritizing how to move forward and do better next time.

In a breakup, someone with all-or-nothing thinking might believe they’ll never find someone like their ex-partner and will never find love again. While someone without all-or-nothing thinking will probably be disappointed about the breakup, they would focus on the things they liked and also won’t miss about their ex-partner.

The difference is having an abundance mindset and a broader view of life. A person with all-or-nothing thinking gets trapped in extremes, thinking one failed relationship means they’ll never find love. While a person with balanced thinking takes a more reasonable approach, realizing the relationship ended for a reason but that doesn’t mean they’re doomed to a life of solitude.

Affects of all-or-nothing thinking

All-or-nothing thinking means seeing things in a very strict way, like they’re only one of two options—either completely good or completely bad, with nothing in between. Nobody is perfect. So it is OK to think this way sometimes, but if you often think in such strict terms, it might be hard for you to see other options or think about different possibilities. This way of thinking can make you feel more anxious, and it’s something that many people with depression and anxiety experience.

Other negative effects include:

1. More stress: Thinking in extreme ways can make stress worse because challenges might seem impossible to overcome.
2. Unrealistic expectations: Extreme thoughts can make you set goals that are too high, making it hard to be happy with any achievements that don’t meet those unrealistic standards.
3. Trying to be perfect: All-or-nothing thinking often leads to wanting everything to be perfect, and anything less is seen as a failure.
4. Feeling not good enough: If you fall short of your unrealistic standards, it can make you feel bad about yourself and think you’re not good enough.
5. Problems in relationships: Thinking in extremes can make relationships feel polarized, like people are either good or bad, without recognizing the complexities of humanness.
6. Trouble solving problems: It’s hard to find compromises or flexible solutions because all the focus is on extreme outcomes, not practical or nuanced approaches.
7. Being scared to fail: All-or-nothing thinking can lead to avoiding risks because you view any mistake or setback as failure.
8. Seeing only part of the picture: Having a narrow view of situations can make you miss positive things or opportunities for growth.
9. Feeling sad a lot: All-or-nothing thinking makes you more likely to feel distressed, as your mind focuses on the negative parts of life and ignores the positive ones.
10. Bad decision making: It’s tough to make balanced and sensible choices when you think you have limited options and things are either all good or all bad.
11. Loneliness and isolation: You might avoid social situations because you are scared of being judged or rejected, seeing interactions in extreme ways and thinking 1 social mistake means you are a social reject.

A Personal Note

Apart from the commonly known downsides, I found the most hurtful consequence of thinking in all-or-nothing terms is the heartbreak. Because when you have this kind of thinking, you ignoring your own humanness. Without realizing it, you might think you are all bad and nothing good all at once. You might think no one cares when there are people who do. You lose hope and you end up breaking your own heart.

For example, imagine something bad happens, and instead of letting yourself feel and process your emotions, you get stuck thinking that “nothing will ever go right.” You don’t allow yourself to really live, and you might keep encountering the same kinds of people and getting into the same situations because you’re putting everyone in the same category. You start to expect everything to go wrong.

Common Aliases for All-or-Nothing Thinking:

All-or-nothing thinking has several alternative names. While “all-or-nothing” is the most common, various resources use different nicknames for it. Knowing these alternatives is important so you can recognize all-or-nothing thinking in different texts and avoid confusion.

Here are some other names for all-or-nothing thinking:

• Black-and-white thinking: This term emphasizes the lack of gray areas or middle ground in how someone sees things.
• Dichotomous or binary thinking: This phrase describes the tendency to divide situations into two opposing categories that are mutually exclusive.
• Polarized thinking: This term suggests seeing the world in absolute opposites, without acknowledging any middle ground or nuances.
• Absolute thinking: This name highlights the insistence on being absolutely certain and the refusal to accept any ambiguity or uncertainty.
• Extreme thinking: This term involves exaggerating the positive or negative aspects of a situation without recognizing the in-between nuances.

Examples of all-or-nothing thinking

All-or-nothing thinking might happen only in certain situations and it could be more common in some situations and less in others. For example, someone might not think all-or-nothing about money but might when it comes to relationships, or vise versa. Here are some examples:

1. Perfectionism: A classic example of all-or-nothing thinking is the pursuit of perfection. Someone with this cognitive distortion may believe that if things aren’t perfect, then everything is a mess, disregarding the value of progress and improvement.
2. Relationships: In relationships, all-or-nothing thinking can manifest as viewing others as either good or bad. A minor disagreement may lead to the conclusion that the relationship is doomed, overlooking the possibility of compromise and growth.
3. Career Expectations: Those with all-or-nothing thinking might evaluate their success solely based on achieving a specific goal. Failing to reach that goal could lead to feelings of failure, ignoring the accomplishments and growth achieved along the way.
4. Physical Fitness: Someone with all-or-nothing thinking may think that missing one workout means their entire fitness journey is ruined. They forget that one bad day does not ruin months of progress, just like one healthy meal doesn’t undo months of eating poorly. They forget they have the chance to do their workout the next day.
5. Creative Pursuits: In creative activities like writing or making art, all-or-nothing thinking may manifest as believing that if a piece isn’t perfect, it’s a complete failure. This stops people from realizing that being creative is a process, and each try helps them learn and get better.
6. Parenting: Parents with all-or-nothing thinking might perceive a parenting mistake or a few bad days as evidence that they are failing as parents. They forget that parenting is hard, and everyone makes mistakes. They forget about the positive aspects of their relationship with their child.
7. Financial Goals: If you have all-or-nothing thinking regarding money, you may set a specific savings target and consider any shortfall as a complete financial failure. This perspective ignores the progress made, the possibility of adjusting the plan, and the importance of financial habits developed along the way.

Alternatives to All-or-Nothing Thinking:

To stop all-or-nothing thinking, the first step is to notice when you’re doing it. Start by paying attention to when you use words commonly associated with all-or-nothing thinking, like “always,” “never,” “everyone,” “no one,” or “anymore,“ and check if you’re thinking in extremes.

Suggested article: Everyday Examples of All-Or-Nothing Thinking

From there you can:

1. Understand the Middle Ground: Instead of seeing things as only good or bad, try to appreciate the in-between. Not everything has to be a total success or failure.
2. Think in Shades, Not Extremes: There are often middle grounds or gray areas in situations. Challenge yourself to think about things as a range rather than just the extremes. Most situations aren’t all one way or the other; they usually fall somewhere in between.
3. Celebrate Progress: Instead of aiming for perfection, focus on getting better and making progress. It’s okay to celebrate small successes and learn from things that don’t go perfectly.

It’s also important to treat each situation separately. Don’t just label something as completely good or bad because it has similarities to another situation you’ve experienced. Look at each situation on its own merits.

Conclusion

All-or-nothing thinking, whether labeled as extreme, polarized, or black-and-white thinking, can significantly affect your perception of the world. It can leave you stressed, feeling isolated and like “nothing” will ever get better.

By understanding this cognitive distortion and incorporating alternatives into your thought processes, you can cultivate a more balanced and realistic outlook on various aspects of life. This will help reduce the exhaustion and heaviness that all-or-nothing thinking brings.

To get a better understanding of all-or-nothing thinking check out this article with real life examples in the news, music and common marketing techniques.